How to deal with an Egotistic person

Most people are well out of their 20's before they realize the world does NOT revolve around them. Sadly, some never escape the orbit of self-absorption and self-promotion. Because some of these bragging folks are important to the rest of us, it is helpful to learn to deal with them effectively without enabling destructive behaviors. Here are some tips in dealing with the confidence engorged.

"Spotlighting" - One of the best tools to gently force self-promoters to recognize others is spotlighting. Spotlighting is the practice of small or large group recognition of another's efforts, talents, or accomplishments. For example, in a team meeting ( work or otherwise ) someone starts by saying "I'd like to spotlight Joe, for being willing to give up his lunch to help me with payroll." Group confirmation follows and then it is someone else's turn to spotlight another, or it can be Joe's turn, having just been spotlighted, to spotlight someone else. ( a complimentary game of tag if you will) This causes three things to occur. First, those with no lack of confidence are forced to publicly recognize others besides themselves. Second, it lends importance to what otherwise might go unnoticed and will encourage these positive things to continue. Most importantly however, if done regularly, it forces the arrogant to begin LOOKING for things to complement in others, taking the focus off of themselves. Often this begins to create a sense in people that they are only a part of something much larger and not the huge fish in the small pond they envisioned themselves initially.

Limited Recognition- Some people trumpet their own accomplishments because they are under the assumption, true or not, that no one will notice them if they don't. Spotlighting takes care of people like this also, because their turn for recognition comes often. Making an effort to recognize people for their strengths is a valuable tool. A simple statement such as, "Brenda is our in house tech expert, so ask her if you are stuck." makes Brenda less likely to have to alert everyone as to her tech savvy. Be careful not to give other false information just to boost someone's ego however, but a small dose of over-inflation or exaggeration doesn't hurt.

Poll Position- Ask for the opinions of the arrogant often. It doesn't mean that you have to act on them every time, nor does it imply agreement. It IS however, a subtle stroke to one's ego, without blowing smoke. The fact that someone thought enough of someone's opinion or skills to ask is enough.

Shortcomings- Another reason that people feel the need to be egotistical is because they are intimidated by the abilities of others. If you are willing to be open about your own weaknesses and areas for improvement, it can be very disarming and even evoke the same information from the biggest of braggarts. This can foster an interdependence that leads to stronger collaboration or at worst, just a friendlier relationship.

No one likes a braggart. Dealing with them effectively will make you a valuable asset in any situation. As the old Native American lore states, "A man who walks with his head high cannot see what lies in his path and is sure to stumble. Those who walk with eyes cast downward in humility will not stray from the path."